014.

A lot of things are not the best right now. But I find myself still feeling happy, confident, strong, positive. It's easy to feel this way when I realize how negative something affects my life. It makes it easier to let it go. The future is so bright, as cliche as that is. I have no clear perception of where I will be soon but I know if I keep pushing myself, it's going to be amazing. I know that I'm a good person; I guess some things just bring the worst out of me. And I have to let those things go.

This weekend, or tonight rather, I'm heading home to Madison to see my family. Saturday we're spending the day in an amazing little town in Wisconsin called Mazomanie. We visit two pumpkin patches and stop at Ski Hi which is an apple orchard. The scenery is breathtaking, especially during this time of year. It's the one thing every year I look forward to the most because it's an escape to solitude. I'm able to take pictures. I think if I ever moved to a small town it would be there, or Door County. The only reason I never would though, at least not now, is because I need to further my career in a bigger city.

Right now I'm mostly struggling with my 4 x 5 class. Large format is a very difficult process. But I'm learning through lots of trial and error. I'll be taking 12 pictures this weekend. And I've got plenty of ideas for my senior thesis, especially because of the location I'll be in. I'm really really excited to shoot and edit all weekend. I get to go home at 9:30 tonight.... ah so far away!

A girl in my journalism class today said something like: We may be given something amazing once, then expect it to happen again, and it doesn't. We need that in our lives. We need to fail to become a better artist. I loved that. I've seen that my downfalls have also led to making better art. I find that I'd rather be dealing with difficulties because it makes me appreciate the good parts of my life more. And my art is stronger. And I work harder. I have motivation.

We all fall in love. Sometimes we lose that person who we really, deeply love but we realize it's ourselves we lost for a bit. It's easy to get yourself back. It really is.